I Love You Vitaly

Looking back on everything I've ever posted, especially my journals, it feels like I'm looking at another person. I cringe at my horrible grammar. It feels like a sea change between how I was then to who I am now.

So Ines likes me after all but i just want to be friends. ah well. ill try not to feel awkward bout it. i feel bad though for telling her i just want to be friends... better than lying?

 

Talk Show Host by Radiohead

"I'm Ready"

I don't know really.... Ines...

She was the reason I'm alive... but yet... now...

They're kinda fading

And the old is returning

It sucks

It hurts

It's my fault

"Apollo 1: The Writing Writer" by Coheed and Cambria has taken new meaning now....

If my shame spills our worth across this floor
Then tonight, goodnight... I'm burning Star IV
Only I don't even think of you
No I don't wanna think of you anymore
Goodnight, tonight, goodbye
Goodnight, tonight, goodbye

 

I do feel ashamed of myself. I thought I wasn't liek that. It's like saying goodbye to part of myself. And I don't want to really think of them anymore. Both of them.

I had this song in my head all day... "Dead Memories" by Slipknot... I don't really know why.... I don't especially like it....
But later on i reazlied why.
My dead feelings may be coming back to life

Ines only wants to be friends... that sucks.... She did let me kiss her... but when she took my purple bracelet and told me to break it and I did, she said "We'll see"...... ugh. I would do anything for her.... almost anything..... I'd certainly take a bullet for her....
"i will never be young
i will never be loved
i will never be wrong"
That's what i fear.....

Some of my "friends" have been ignoring me lately. It really pisses me off, but I can see why. But if they had a problem with me or noticed that I was different, they should have told me so instead of ignoring me or lying.

Eh I'm bored and bitter cuz' of it..... whatever......just pissed and not caring that much.....

"Optimistic" by Radiohead

I wish I was dead. Then I'd know how you feel.

Yeah, guess the songs and artist by the lyrics, they are from my Top 25 Most Played on iTunes counting downwards from 25 to 1:

25 (36 plays)"Your dad caught you smoking and he said no way! That hypocrite smokes two packs a day"

25 (36 plays)"Now when it comes to envy y'all is green, jealous of the rhyme and the rhyme routine (tine)"

25 (36plays)"You justfiy those that died by wearing the badge and the chosen whites"

22 (38 plays)"I am the next step, waiting in the wings; I'm an animal, trapped in your hot car"

21 (39 plays)"My heart is like a marching band, I'm a fan in the stands"

21 (39 plays)"And the rain will kill us all,  If we throw ourselves against the wall"

19 (42 plays)"A hero is a sandwich and a Manwich is a meal, a marriage is a paper are they fakin' or for real?"

18 (43 plays)"Please don't slow me down if I'm going too fast, you're in a strange part of town"

17 (46 plays)"I stay home forever, where 2 and 2 always make up 5"

16 (52 plays)"Soy un perdidor, I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"

16 (52 plays)"Believe that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain, we'r not the same, we're different tonight"

14 (53 plays)"I want to, I want to be someone else or I'll exlpode, floating upon the surface for the birds"

13 (54 plays)"Clean shirt, new shoes, and I don't even know where I am going to; Silk suit, black tie, I don't need a reason why"

12 (60 plays)"The microphone explodes, shattering the molds; Ya either drop the hits like de-la-mode or get the fuck off the commode"

11 (62 plays)"Hey, Mr. Asshole, what's your dirty asshole, sitting in your castle, judging everyone"

10 (64 plays)"Back in the days when I was a teenager, before I had status and before I had a pager; You ould find the abstract listening to hip-hop, My pops used to say, it reminded him of be-bop"

9 (69 plays)"Please could you stop the noise I'm trying to get some rest? From all the unborn chicken voices in my head; What's that?"

8 (73 plays)"Life of a don, lights keep glowing, come in the club with that fresh shit on, with something crazy on my arm, uh huh huh hah, now here's another hit Barry Bonds"

7 (88 plays)"I be tossin', enforcin', my style is awesome; I'm causin' more Family Fued's than Richard Dawson"

6 (96 plays)"And I don't, know, why I, feel, so, tongue,-tied; Don't, know, why, I feel, so, skinned, alive"  (Cuttooth originally, but It's Myxomatosis)

5 (104 plays)"As I did it yo I had to beg your pardon, when I travel to the Sun I roll with the sqaudron, RRRRAOW RRRRAOW like a dungeon dragon, change your little drawers cuz' your pants are saggin'"

5 (104 plays)"How come I end up where I started, how come I end up where I went wrong; Won't take my eyes off the ball again, you reel me out an then you cut the string"

3 (115 plays)"I got my head checked, by a jumbo jet; It wasn't easy, but nothing is, no; WHOO HOO"

2 (215 plays)"I can't stand it, I know ya planned it; I'ma set it straight, this Watergate"

1 (522 plays)"I'm thinking of a master plan-I'm-I'm-I'm thinking of a master plan-th-th-thinking of a master plan"

So yeah that is it right there, probably won't know most of them, but still... took me a while to do lol

Like today in English we had this paragraph which we had to make more descriptive, like every1 loved mine, they were like passing it around, and Billy got on a stool and was reading to ppl. Here it is:

We were riding in a blue car with yellow racing stripes and a spoiler shaped like a unicorn choking on its own vomit in a crowded club. It was early fall, the time when leaves fall and get all crunchy, which eventually can drive a janitor on a killing spree, with each person being murdered in a grotesque manner, and hung by their own intestines outside of the house of their loved ones. We wer heading to school, where we would be fed mind-numbing information, so much information, which we would have to remember on the tests, tests that would determine the things we did for the rest of our lives. In Japan, the 6th grade exams cause so much stress, many students commit suicide by jumping in front of trains. I guess something happened to one of the tires, because the car went off the road, falling off the cliff in a fiery mass of crunching,grinding, flaming metal and flesh. My friend and I weren't hurt, but my mother was burned and malformed beyond recognition. She crawled to me from the flaming wreck, her face melted off, and put her searing hand on my shoulder. She put her face at my ear, and I could smell the stench of burning skin. She whispered to me "You were my least favorite child" and died. Me and my friend were only a couple of minutes late to school though.

 

Yeah it was pretty discriptive, but one of the girls was like "Deep down inside, I bet you have a bi of sensitivity in you" and I was like, not pissed but just wanted to prove her wrong so I started writing a romantic love story from the point of view of a man on a park bench, its pretty good so far.

Oh lol, Lilly, Michaela, Patrick and me were at Dominic's house and he was not supposed to be home, and when we left we had to make sure nothing was out of place, and I got home and recieved a text saying that his parents found out cuz' of the Ramune bottle in the trash tht Lilly was drinking lol.

We had to vote for Homecoming King and Queen today. I voted for my friend and who he likes. He says it'd be embarrissing for him to win but as long as he doesn't win with Lauren he won't care.

Hmmm I've heard rumors of a RAGE tour of the Americas this fall..... I hope it happens...

It just makes sense now.... the video too....

It hurts.... I've cried over you more than when I decided to never see my own mother again.

But I just want you to be happy.

And in the end you'd be better off without me.

I'm sorry.

woah it's like 9-11. It reminds me of Slurpees. I got new Metallica cd today, day before it comes out. I also found out tht the tix i got come wit a cd so.......

I got kicked out of Geomerty after all, I got a 38/60, but I ddi get a 49/50 in Algebra......  I had theatre replcaing Geometry, I had it for the first time today all I did was listen to my Ipod cuz everyone was already deep into a project from last week that starts tomorrow. I was listenign to "Spaz" during most of it, it's by NERD.

I'm listening to California Uber Alles by Dead Kennedys.

Oh yeah I got FUCKING AWESOME tickets to see METALLICA. Very close to stage.

 

Now I'm listening to a rapcore parady called "Stay At Home Dad".

Listening to Time Is Running Out-Muse

Really like it. I'm happy right now yet kinda sad.

I just found out my dog died, he was 16 in human years and we've had him since before I was born.

Not sad, but mellow, chill, feels like my mind is heavy. Radiohead does dat to me.  I wrote a song yesterday, havent finished but it's kind weird and depressing, its like dat when i listen to Radiohead. Its kinda weird, first part is bout being cooked trout about to be eaten/being eaten, then second part is about making out with a knife for some reason i think it would be pretty cool-licking. I mean looking, hehehe. Oh i got haircut like 4 weeks ago... hair was down to lips be4, and we told hairdresser to cut off an inch. She cut it to my eyebrows 0,0 I'm tired.. shoudl sleep more... I can now dat bus iz pushed back 5 minutes..... yeah.

Gahhhh I'm enrolled in both Algebra and Geometry, but since I got literally TWO problmes wrong on the geometr test, the teacher says I should drop out and even informed the department head of math bout it, I'm getting the news of whether I'm kicked out tommorrow. I wanna stay in the class.... it may be that if I do really well on the test tommorrow they'll let me stay.... but I'll need to study cuz I gotz a 14/26 on last quiz (I kinda forgot to put lines over answers and stuff like dat). Meh.

At my camp right now we are playing the exact same Journey song at the exact same time in synchro with like 8 computers. It's awesome.

If I haven't talked to you lately, it's because I don't have that much time on the Internet at my camp. Sorry.

My friend came over, I helped him create an account. Yay. I'm listening to Like A Stone by Audioslave right now. They are awesome, too bad they had to break up, but that means Rage Against the Machine is back together. Yay.